Brooklyn based comedian & writer.


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• Missed Connections: Closeted “BROS” and North Carolina’s Ban on Gay Marriage

  

  I posted this missed connection on Craigslist for a segment on my podcast, Burning Bridges w/ Ben & Ryan. But with the recent news of North Carolina banning same-sex marriages, I thought I would open the discussion on the culture of closeted “BROS.”

  What is fascinating to me is that there are people out there in the conservative parts of America whose opinion of homosexuality (as being a choice, that gays don’t deserve the same rights, that the natural sexual preference and attractions are wrong in the eyes of God) are also the same people that have serious sexual deviancy and lead they’re entire miserable lives pretending to be something they’re not.

  Is it jealousy? Maybe.

  Are these sad individuals a product of their environment? Surely.

  Is it a generational thing? Most definitely.

  Now I’m no mental health expert, but if you lead a life where you have sex in the bushes behind a rest stop bathroom and then go home to your wife and kids and beat them; you might have some serious mental problems.

  Now we all know if Republican Senator Larry Craig gets caught soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom, that if he publicly apologizes, his deviant sexual behavior just goes away, right?

  Or if John Travolta keeps trying to convince the world he isn’t gay every time gets he gets caught trying to pay another man to let him be himself for a few minutes that his PR reps will remind everyone that Saturday Night Fever star is a married man with kids, he couldn’t be gay. It’s Travolta baby!

  And I get that if you’re from say Mississippi and or that you grew up in different times, accepting homosexual feelings was and is not the easiest thing to do. And that’s just my point with North Carolina’s new law, the old fucks will eventually die off and the next generations will be able to step in and finally progress our country to a place where we finally say, “who gives a shit about gay people wanting to get married?”

  And don’t give me the sanctity of marriage argument. Marriage is nothing more that a fucking contract at this point.

  I can remember in my college years, having some friends who bragged about fucking this girl at the same time. They talked about the experience like it was totally the straightest thing ever, just two dudes sharing a lady. High fiving each other and looking deeply into each other’s eyes while in the act. What they failed to realize is that they were naked and aroused with another man in the room.

  The character I created for my missed connection is exactly what I find so funny about “BROS” who won’t accept themselves. An outdoorsman who likes to ride a snowmobile could be eventually be seen as super gay.

   

  11 May 2012